


College Party

by catbee_3



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, DenNor, Fluff, House Party, I swear, In the works, M/M, Party, Slice of Life, anywho, but i wrote it, but its cute, college party, drunk, enjoy, i would read it, i'm not great at tags, so i know the plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-09-25 03:56:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9801623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catbee_3/pseuds/catbee_3
Summary: What was supposed to just be a hookup developed into more of a mess than it should be. Love is a bit of a strange concept.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try to upload EVERY Friday!

When he woke up the first thing he felt was pain. His head throbbed violently and he had to cover his eyes with his hand so the small amount of light he could see was blocked. His chest burned and his stomach turned very displeased with what he had done to it the night prior.

Lukas uncovered his eyes and tried to become accustomed to the searing light. Once he finally had he looked around at his surroundings.

The shower-bathtub itself was a pale blue and the tiles around it were an ugly sandy yellow, the shower curtains were white with differing shades of stains on them and the light just beyond it was fluorescent.

He tried to move only to be met with the foggy realization of where exactly he was.

 **A bathtub.**  
And someone was on top of him.

The position they had presumably passed out in was– uncomfortable to say the least. Their heads were on the opposite end to the faucet. Lukas’ head was pushed up the inclined sides, which left an aching crick in his neck. The stranger’s head was to his left and his face was situated in the crook of his neck. The stranger’s legs were on either side of his right leg, and his own left leg hung over the side of the tub. He tried to push the man off him, but in his state he couldn't move his dead weight.

He put both palms to his face and let out a heavy sigh that ended in a groan and thought that same thing most would in his situation:

“God.. What did I do last night?”

He tried to think back to the first memory he could find and then groaned again as he remembered.

  
**——**

“Why not?” Tino asked boredly as he spun in his chair across the room.

“Cause.” He responded. He wasn't a big fan of parties to begin with and tonight was the first free night he had had to himself in a while.

“‘Cause’ is not a reason!” Tino said, “Natalia will be there, didn't you and her have a thing? You’d be a cute couple. Ummm Eduard will be there. Feliks, Elizabeta, Arthur- uhhh.. Oh! Vladimir will be there! You two talk, right? I could see you guys going out. You could hit it off with him. You know.”

“No.” Lukas said with a scoff, “Stop trying to set me up. Go with someone else.”

“Everyone is busy!” Tino said turning his chair to his desk and pushing it across the room to Lukas’ desk where he sat, “And I know for a fact you're not.”

“I'm very busy.” He said with mock importance.

“Please!” Tino tried.

And he kept trying until Lukas eventually gave in and agreed to at least drop by.

The party was in a row house near the dorm building they lived in. The music was loud and the people were pushy and rude, though he soon found the only reason to come to these house parties.

Alcohol. Free alcohol.

Soon enough the party became way more enjoyable.

**——**

His memory finally cut with his failed attempt to chug a can of beer and spilling on himself and the floor.

He pushed his palms harder on his face, then, let out a sigh and let his arms fall.

“God.” He mumbled

He tried again to shift the man’s weight off of him, but again was unsuccessful and tried a different approach.

“Hey.” He said, his voice hoarse and shook the man’s shoulder.

“Mm,” the man groaned.

“Get off me.”

“Mm,” the man groaned again, this time angrier. Lukas only responded by shaking his shoulder more until the man finally pushed himself up, looking just as groggy as he was.

“What time is it?” He asked rubbing his eyes.

“I don't know,” Lukas pulled out his phone and clicked it on, “Fuck.”

“Wha?”

“It's 11:40A.M.,” he said picking himself up as much as he could. “Who are you?”

“Uhh,” he said obviously hung over, “Matthias. Who are you?”

“Lukas.”

“Mm.” He said and then there was a brief moment of silence. “Did you have those um- uh- what's the word? Hickies? Before this?”

“What?!” He asked, suddenly his thoughts became clear and his eyes widened. He opened the curtain flinching at the light it let in, but continued anyways almost tripping over the side of the tub. He went to the mirror quickly and looked at himself. His hair was a mess, sticking out at odd angles and the cross pin he wore was barely hanging on to his hair anymore. The rest of him had fared worse however; his shirt was unbuttoned halfway down and the left side of it hung off his shoulder completely exposing his pale skin which now sported dark bruises and bitemarks. His pants were unbutton and partly unzipped, which he fixed.

“Is that a no?” Matthias asked rubbing his eyes again adjusting to the open curtain.

He groaned loudly and sat down on the closed toilet and began to re-button his shirt.

“Do you remember anything?” He asked.

Matthias grinned widely and said, “I remember you giving me a lap dance.”

Lukas put his face in his hands to hide his embarrassment, “No, you don't. That didn't happen.”

“Mhm.” He agreed mockingly. “You want coffee or something?”

Lukas thought for a moment then said, “Are you paying?”

“Don't have to,” he said with a grunt as he stood up, “It's my house.”

Matthias put a hand out to the wall to steady himself then began out of the small bathroom and Lukas followed.

The basement was a complete mess, with trash and turned over furniture everywhere. He couldn't help gagging at the smell that filled the room harshly. What exactly it came from, he couldn't tell but it smelled like a college party, that was for sure. The two made their way up the stairs to the ground floor. It looked like everyone had emptied from the house leaving it a mess. The smell was slightly better on the ground floor, but worsened again as they went into the kitchen.

It was awkwardly silent as Matthias retrieved the coffee machine from the lower cabinet then plugged it in and let it begin. Lukas opened some of the cabinets looking for a cup, however for the most part, they were empty.

“Do you not have cups?” He asked.

“Ehh, yeah, I do. They're upstairs though. I don't know why, but everytime I've had a party someone breaks them so I locked them upstairs.”

“Mm.” Lukas hummed in response, then went over to the sink. In all honesty, he just wanted water then. Coffee would be nice when it was done, but his mouth felt like cotton and he had the bitter aftertaste of the alcohol in his mouth. He pulled the faucet from its mount, turned on the water, then held it so the water curved to an arch He lowered his mouth to the arch, like a water fountain, drank some, then swished it in his mouth and spit into the sink. He did this a few times to get rid of the taste then turned it off and put the faucet head back onto the mount.

He stayed facing the sink for a moment, unsure of what his stomach was doing, until it wretched painfully and he threw up.

“Gross.” Matthias said off handedly behind him. He turned on the water again to help push the vomit down the drain.

Obviously the human body was not made to digest large amounts of hard liquor. He wiped his mouth, took a sip of water, and his body revolted again and emptied his stomach further. He cleaned the bitter taste from his mouth then turned the faucet off and then pulled himself up to sit on the messy counter. He pulled his phone out from his pocket again to distract him and scrolled through his twitter mindlessly.

“You know, if you're done throwing up in my sink, I definitely wouldn't mind finishing what we started last night.” Matthias said with a grin and a purr in his voice.

Lukas scoffed not bothering to look up from his phone and said, “You're going to have to get me drunk again if you want to do that.”

“Mm. So another time then.”

“Maybe.” He said and looked up. He was trying to be as flirtatiously as he could with a searing headache, but the message seemed to have gotten across.

Matthias’ smile widened, “Aright. Well,” he said walking over to him, “would you mind if I saw your phone for a second?”

He clicked the home button and handed it to him offered it to him without extending his arm, so Matthias moved closer almost standing between his legs and took the phone from him. He was definitely not opposed to seeing him again. He was attractive enough, which was a rarity to see after drunkenly sleeping with someone. Though, he wasn't looking for anything serious, but he doubted Matthias was either, so he figured there was no harm in it.

“Is this Norwegian?” Matthias asked with a chuckle. He had his phone’s language set at his native tongue of Norwegian.

“Oh- yeah. Sorry I forgot.”

His phone was handed back to him with an open text message were he had sent the two beers emoji to a new contact that had been named ‘Matthias’ with a Danish flag next to it.

“So then, are you from Denmark?” He asked in a sarcastic tone.

“Yep!”

“That would explain your stupid accent.”

Matthias laughed, “What are you talking about, my accent is great.”

“Mm,” he hummed, “So what's your plan to clean this mess up, Dane?” He turned to look around the house, which stung painfully as his back was stiff from sleeping with a body’s weight on him.

“I'll probably call someone in to clean.” He shrugged.

“Ahh- rich kid.” He said teasing.

“Nah.” The coffee maker began to beep every few seconds, “I’m gonna go grab a mug.”

With that he left to climb the stairs and came back a few seconds later with two mugs in hand, then began to pour his own cup of coffee and mixed a bit of half and half into it.

“How do you take yours?”

“I don't know, if it's not in the morning then I usually just put as much sugar that will dissolve in it.”

He looked at him briefly then put a few spoonfuls of sugar into it then handed the cup to him. He took a large sip of it then sighed.

Both of them were silent after that, both dealing with hangovers. After about ten minutes he thanked him for the coffee and after a short goodbye he left.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> School's rough, kids

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come potty mouth, so buckle in and grab a juicebox

When he first went back to the dorms, of course, he had to deal with a whole host of questions from Tino. Tino was a well-meaning person _overall,_ and so for a while now he had been trying to set him up with a partner.

 

Before Tino had gotten into a relationship with Berwald, they had been friends with benefits. Lukas assumed he felt somewhat guilty for leaving, hence trying to set him up, but he still wasn't fond of his attempts to set him up. So he skipped most of the more interesting details when recounting his night and explained the bruises and bite marks had taken place some time after his memories cut and before he passed out.

 

The next two weeks following had been relatively average. The second week things slowed down in his classes, which finally allowed him some time to relax some.

 

After he left his last class of the week he got back to the dorms. The sun was in its final stretch, hidden by clouds so he closed the curtain and went to a take quick shower. The shared dorm bathroom was never empty but it wasn't too full either, however, he ended up cutting his shower after a tone deaf singer decided the showers turned into his own recording studio.

 

Once he had gotten back to his dorm he lied down and eventually ended up scrolling through his feed of multiple social media sites. He didn't really post much on anything but his twitter, but even then he was definitely more of a lurker. After a few hours of this his mind began to wander bouncing off different thoughts until it finally landed on more explicit subjects and he was barely paying attention to his phone anymore.

 

The bruises he had had, had already faded away. Though, the more he thought about it, besides that little encounter, it had been awhile since he'd actually done much. So, he figured why not and clicked his phone on.

 

_[9:22 P.M.]_

_Hey, so.. you still wanna get drinks?_

_  
_ **[9:24 P.M.] Matthias:**

**YES I DO BUT INHAVE A PAPER DUE IN AN HOUR AND I DONT KNOW WHAT THE HELL IM DOING. PLEASE FUCKING HELP ME NO ONE IS RESPONDING. AND IM IN GHS LIBRARY AND I DONT NOTHING HERE IS HELPFUL**

 

Maybe it was the caps lock, or the hurried texting, or maybe it was the fact that he was pleading to someone he met while drunk, but either way, it was a turn off. Hell, he had even been prepared to start sexting this guy, which was something he rarely ever did.

 

_[9:27 P.M.]_

_What?_

 

**[9:27 P.M.]**

**i this huge paper in the business course im taking and i havE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING. I NE E D AN ADULT. ITS DUE @11**

 

_[9:27 P.M.]_

_What are you writing about?_

 

**[9:27 P.M.]**

**I DONT KNOW,, I DONT UNDEDSTAND ANYTHING. Do you take buisness??? I need heLP**

 

Lukas sighed, accepting the evening he was hoping for was ruined, he began typing his response.

 

_[9:28 P.M.]_

_I took it last year as a minor, so I don't know how much help I'd be, but honestly you sound like you don't even know the task. I could drop by the library if you really need help._

 

**[9:28 P.M.]**

**REALLY???! Omfg I swear yoU ARE HeavEN SENT!!, I'm on tge second flooR THANK YOU**

 

Lukas got up and thought about changing out of his pajamas, but decided that tonight wasn't going anywhere, and so left his clothes as they were and left. The library was only a block away so it didn't take him long to find his way up to the second floor and see Matthias at his computer.

 

He looked different than he remembered, a little more put together, but the thing that stood out was his spiked hair. When he had first saw him his hair was messy, but it was much flatter. As he drew closer he realized another thing, “Are you crying?”

 

“Kind of.” Matthias said sniffling and wiping away a tear from his cheek.

 

He had tried to help guide him on his project for almost twenty minutes before he grew frustrated and pulled the laptop to him and began typing the essay himself. He wasn't well known for his patience.

 

"You owe me for this." Lukas groaned under his breath, annoyed by the whole situation.

 

"At this point– I will literally do anything you ask if you write this whole thing for me. I'm not even joking I'm going to fail this class if I don't pass this essay."

 

“Mm.” Lukas hummed in response. He typed away in silence for most of the time only stopping to tell Matthias to move back at some points when he was so close he could feel his breath. When Lukas was done typing he looked down to the clock which read 10:54 P.M. He then pushed the laptop back to its owner who fixed some of the wording and turned it in just in time.

 

They sat for a few seconds in the quiet library. Lukas was mentally exhausted. He had warned Matthias that he didn't really know anything about what he was writing and that for the most part he just bullshited it, but he finished the paper anyways. In all honesty however, he wasn't as annoyed as he let on. Yes, he'd rather have been in a bar, or bed, but it was something to do at the very least.

 

The silence between them was broken when Matthias spoke up, “sooo.. drinks?”

 

Lukas almost laughed, but instead he rested his chin in his hand and covered his mouth. A grin creeped onto his face, “Are you serious?”

 

Matthias laughed awkwardly and said, “That’s a no?”

 

“Yeah.” He stood up where he was and stretched his arms in the air. “You can buy me food though.”

 

“That I can do.” He said as he pack his laptop and his books back into his bag. He stood up and slung the bag around his shoulder. “What do you want?”

 

“Something edible.” Lukas shrugged. He didn't consider himself picky.

 

He followed as Matthias lead him outside rambling on about a bunch of different topics that he was only half paying attention to. The the sweater he had on only barely blocked out the cold wind even as he held it tighter to his body. He hated to admit it but some of his Norwegian stamina for the cold had definitely slipped away as he acclimated to the hot American months. He followed Matthias for a while, without speaking until they reached the doors of a small bar.

 

“Food. Not drinks.” He said annoyed. He was in no mood to drink anymore, and had made that clear, so the fact he brought him to a bar was unnerving.

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I know. You don't gotta drink. My buddy works here so the food is cheaper.” He explained as he opened the door for Lukas to go in. He was fairly surprised to see that there was only about 10 people in the bar and most of them were in their late 30s-50s. There was a small chatter only broken with cheering as something on the T.V. happened.

 

Matthias lead him to a table and sat himself down, Lukas followed. The place had an old feel to it, the bottom half of the walls were dark, almost purple painted wood that went up for about 4 feet before giving way to the exposed red brick that was messy and chipped in a rustic way. The floors had obviously seen better days and the tables were in the same boat, but it was definitely a homely design.

 

Matthias rambled a bit about how great the food was before waving at a person behind Lukas and giving a short whistle to get their attention. Lukas looked up from his seat to see the tall man. He had a bored face and a scar above his left eyebrow, though his hair bore a similar fashion to Matthias’ own. Matthias stood and hugged the man, now rambling on to him. Lukas caught on to bits of the conversation and figured out the basics. This man was named Laars, he owned the restaurant and he had a sister, who apparently was an ex partner of Matthias. Though from how casually the conversation was he assumed she and he had left off well.

 

After the man left a waiter brought by menus and the table came to a lull.

 

“You know when I said for you to get me food,” he flipped the menu taking in the fact that this would be the first real food he had had in months, “I meant McDonalds or something..”

 

He let out a hearty laugh, “I wouldn't even feed that stuff to a dog.”

 

Lukas paused for a moment and came to two realizations. One, he was serious, and two, he barely knew this guy. I mean, yes, he knew that before but now the fact was glaring at him. He'd been living off cheap food for the past two years and this guy has the nerve to say he wouldn't even touch the shit. Yes, it was disgusting food, but he couldn't help feeling a little insulted. He didn't push it though. Free food is free, no matter what hipster it's coming from.

 

Lukas ended up ordering a crab soup and a glass of water. Everything on the menu was so pricy in his eyes, honestly he felt bad ordering as much as he did. He usually would not spend more than 10 dollars on a meal, so $15.76 was a little bit unnerving even if he wasn't paying.

 

Matthias ordered a lot more than he did, honestly he had no idea how he planned to eat that much. That waiter took their orders and walked away with the menus in hand. Lukas took a bite of the food and he was more than happily surprised with the flavor of the meal. The soup didn't have much competition to be the best thing he'd eaten in months, but that wasn't selling it short either.

 

“What about you?” Matthias asked staring at him.

 

“Huh?” Lukas asked suddenly pulled out of space.

 

“Have you not been paying any attention? I was asking if you had any siblings.”

 

Matthias was looking at him intently, with happiness and curiosity on his face. Lukas looked away from his gaze uncomfortable. “Uh, yes. A little brother.”

 

“Oh really what's his name?” Matthias asked with the same gaze. Lukas hadn't quite gotten used to the American norm of people looking at him so directly, which made him wonder how long Matthias had been in America to pick up the annoying trait.

 

“Emil.” He said lightly, “How long have you been in America for?”

 

“Ehh a few years now. 6 or 7 maybe.”

 

“Mm.” He said propping his head on his hand and watching his other hand pick at the table. Matthias laughed.

 

“What does ‘Mm’ mean?”

 

Lukas chuckled softly and said, “It means it's obvious you've been away for a while.”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“You do the same eye contact thing as the Americans.”

 

“Ohh!” He laughed, “Yeah. But I did the same in Denmark too.”

 

“So… I know you said no, but are you sure about the drinks? I'm paying.” Matthias said as he tucked a card into the pay book.

 

“I'm pretty sure. Some other time.” He said offhandedly, a little annoyed he was pushing the subject.

 

“Mm. Alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Haiku:  
> I wrote this for you  
> You- anonymous person?  
> Comment, I'm lonely
> 
> ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forgive my lack of editinggggg

Matthias texted him a few days after their encounter in the library. He informed Lukas that he had passed the paper and then suggested to get drinks and celebrate. Lukas had declined since he was going to busy for a while and he didn't really want to go making any plans. 

 

About a week later the texting game began as they flirted. Wait for a response, don't open it until a few minutes later, then don't respond for a few more. Well- at least Lukas played the game. Matthias didn't seem to have the patience for it, he noted. 

 

Only now at 8:30 in the morning did the game cease. 

* * *

Lukas rolled over in bed, kicking the blankets from his legs. He was only half awake and stuck in the purgatory of wakefulness and dream when a loud knock sounded. He sat up abruptly and turned annoyed to the source. His feet were cold at they met the floor and he unhappily walked past his sleeping dorm mate (it took an earthquake to wake Tino up) and opened the front door.

 

“What the hell do yo-” Lukas began, but was cut off mid-sentence. 

 

“Hi! Yes- sorry, I know. I know, but it's imPORTAnt!” Matthias said excitedly bouncing on the balls of his feet.

 

“It couldn't wait? It's 8:3-” Lukas yawned.

 

“No!! It could NOT!!” 

 

“What then?”

 

Matthias took a deep breath preparing to speak a million miles a minute and then began, “So there is this fair today down in Manchlens and it has rides and games and a Ferris wheel and Cotton candy and it's all cool right. So I was there, checking it out, cause it opened at 8 and i wanted to be there before the other people and-”

 

“What's the point of this?” Lukas asked getting annoyed.

 

“There's this SUPER rare Lego set up for grabs in one of the games and I need aSsiSTANCE! None of my other friends are willing to help- so I'm here! Hi!” Matthias finished his statement with a wave.

 

“And you..,” Lukas paused, “Considered me a friend?”

 

“Well duh. Come on! I'd pay!”

 

Lukas raised an eyebrow at him. Friend was an interesting title to put on their relationship. He thought of them more as sexual acquaintances really, the title of friend held a lot more value to him and he didn't like to mix the two. So, no. He didn't want to keep that association. But then again, the logical part of his brain began to put an argument together,  _ he's paying. _

 

Well that's all it said, and he was sold. 

 

“Fine. We're stopping to get coffee first and you are definitely paying.”

 

“YEs!” Matthias cheered.

 

Lukas closed the door on Matthias' cheers a little harder than he meant to. He quickly changed out of his night weaar and into some decent clothes. It was still early fall so the warmth from summer had not yet died so he dressed lightly. Shorts, t-shirt and an hoodie that was slightly big on him. He took his wallet with him as well, mostly because it had his bus pass and then opened the door again and began down the hall without waiting. 

 

He was not in the mood to talk and he wanted coffee. Matthias caught up with him easily, smiling like an idiot, and together they walked down the dirty stairs of the dorm building and to a nearby coffee shop. Matthias called an Uber as Lukas ordered his drink and they were off.

 

Lukas sat uncomfortably in the back of the car with Matthias at his side. He didn't really like being in other people's cars, but it would only be a short amount of time, so he didn't complain. He still held the warm cup in his hands, though now half empty, as he asked, “So why are you dragging me here again?”

 

Matthias’ face was bright and his eyes had a spark of contagious excitement. “So you know the game where they stack bottles and you have to throw a ball at em'?”

 

Lukas nodded.

 

“It's one of those! But here the thing- they totally cheated me out of it because he said you had to get them all off the table to get the big prize, which is the Lego set.”

 

“Yes, and why do you want legos?” Lukas asked taking a sip of coffee. 

 

“I like collecting them! I don't have this set yet, so I need to win it!”

 

Lukas nodded vaguely from behind his cup, not quite understanding his role in any of this. “And what am I supposed to do?”

 

“Hjælp mig snyde!” Matthias said with determination. ( _ Help me cheat! _ )

 

“Okay, and how am I going to do that?”

 

The car pulled to a stop outside the fair Matthias had told him about, he mumble a quick thank you to the driver as he left the car. It was decrntly full given that it was almost 9:00 in the morning, but not enough to be unsettling. Matthias was leading with hurried intent and Lukas had to almost run to keep up. 

 

“What you’re gonna do is stand next to the thing, and I'll go to an end spot to throw, and then I’ll distract the guy and throw and you push them off the table. Yes?!”

 

“Okay?” Lukas agreed. When they arrived to the game stand Lukas could see his plan working. There were three spaces were the bottles were stacked and he could easily stand next and reach over to one of the end slots. With a casual look he walked over to the side of the stand, leaned against it then took his phone out. A few seconds later Matthias came over, with a overdone voice that belonged in a wanna-be theater camp and began talking nervously to the man. It was obvious he was a bad liar. Another thing he made a mental note of.

 

“You again?” The man running the game asked annoyed.

 

“yES! Me! And I will beat thee!” He proclaimed. 

 

“Okay, that's a dollar for 3 throws.” The man said annoyed.

 

“Yes.” He said handing the man the dollar with rigid movements. Lukas almost wanted to leave right then. He was developing second hand embarrassment just from standing there. Matthias was lining his arm to throw, and the second after he let go, he yelled with an anger and fury that was jarring at the man. “ **Hvis isen er stor nok det er lovligt at ramme en svensk mand med en stok!** ” ( _If the ice is large enough it is legal to hit a Swedish man with a stick._ )

 

The ball hit the bottom center bottle knocking the whole thing down unceremoniously. 

 

The man at the stand was taken aback for a second before anger flashed on his face. “What the hell is your problem, man?!” 

 

While the man was talking Lukas pulled himself over the railing and through the fabric of the stand to sweep his arm through pushing the bottles to the ground. The table was pretty wide which made it hard to do so, and even harder he would guess to have knocked them down legitimately. He quickly recoiled his arm and went back to his phone as the man shot a quick glance back. The final bottle rolled off the table and made a loud thud as it hit the ground. 

 

“YES!” Matthias screeched.

 

The man looking more annoyed than ever pulled down the set and handed it to him.

 

“Don’t come back.” The man said angry. 

 

Matthias didn't bother to look up and said, “I won’t.” And walked away. Lukas caught up and followed him. 

 

Once they walked a bit Matthias turned to him suddenly and attacked him with a bone-crushing hug. Lukas could barely breath.

 

“THAN K YOU!! WE DID IT!!! HAHA!” Matthias said loudly. Lukas gave him a quick pat on the back before pushing away. Once he was free, he fixed his clothes and caught his breath. 

 

“Uh no problem.” 

 

**–x–**

 

There were a few rides at the fair they went on, as well as many games. Matthias seemed to have quite the sense of pride and would keep playing a game until he won something. He took a mental note of that. The end outcome was that now they were sitting in a nearby restaurant for lunch, Lukas with a pink stuffed bunny the size of his torso on his lap that Matthias had given him. 

 

Matthias was telling him a story about how he had started his collection of Legos as they waited for their food. Usually, he admitted, he would have zoned out on the story, but he couldn't help but find himself interested. Not really in the story, but a good story teller could make the phone book sound interesting. 

 

When Matthias talked about something he was excited about he had an happiness that was contagious. Lukas was smiling with him and his laugh was impossible not to join in with. Matthias' laugh was loud and boisterous and it held so much joy in it that it overflowed. Overall, Lukas was happy to be there...

 

After they’d eaten Matthias convinced him to go back to the fair with him for a bit. They walked for a bit before Matthias lead them to the line for the Ferris Wheel. 

 

“I'm not really a fan of heights..” Lukas said looking up at how tall the structure was. Matthias didn't have much of an argument and only said a small amount in his defense. 

 

“Oh come on !! It will be fun!” 

 

“Mm.” Lukas said as they shuffled onto the car and sat down. It was only a bit past one o’clock but the sky was colored gray threatening to pour. The humidity could be smelled in the air wafting about in a slow wind. Lukas continued looking at the sky as they went up.

 

“The sky is nice” Lukas sighed his eyes still fixed on the clouds. 

 

“What?” Matthias chuckled, “It looks like it's going to rain if anything.”

 

“That doesn't affect that it's pretty.” He said matter a factly. “It shows the clouds more, y’know?”

 

Matthias didn't respond right away and Lukas looked over to him as he studied the sky. “Yeah.” He said with distance in his voice. 

 

After that he regained himself and leaned back causing the car to rock slightly. “See! It's nice up here!” Matthias said happy. 

 

“Mhm.” Annoyance in his voice. 

 

They stayed silent for a while and once they reached the top of the wheel Matthias shifted again, then after a moment held Lukas’ chin lightly and directed him away from the sky and to look at him. With his other hand he pushed the oversized stuffed bunny on Lukas’ lap out of the way and leaned forward into a kiss.

 

Matthias closed his eyes but Lukas kept his open. When their lips met, it came as a surprise and it took Lukas a few moments to respond. And against his better judgement he leaned in and matched the kiss. It was soft and held a warmth to it as their lips met. It wasn't like Tino had been or any other of his past partners, there was no tongue, no teeth, but it was warm and electric and enticing all at the same time. His heart pounded and his mind blanked. And against his better judgment he shut his eyes. 

 

Matthias pulled away first after an eternity and the space between them was awkward and quiet. They stared at each other for a moment before Lukas turned to look forward. Words weren't there, and he waited for Matthias to break the ice but he didn't. 

 

Anxiety swirling around him, he opened his mouth and for a moment nothing came out.

 

“What was that?” He asked quietly and without imperfection. 

 

“A kiss?” Matthias filled in.

 

“... Yeah, but why?”

 

“I dun know, felt right. Scene was set. I mean also you're sort of irresistible.”

 

“Oh.” Was all he could say as a blush began to creep across his face. He'd think about it later and for now push all thoughts from his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love me


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> !!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! I'm TECHNICALLY on time for me at least! ahh sorry!

Now, in his dorm alone, six hours after the fact, was later. Panic struck him as he lay in bed.

‘ _How am I going to shut him down? What if he cried?_  
 _I have never been good at confrontation and I can't handle people crying._  
 _Should I just text him and tell him not to talk to me anymore? Or do I owe him enough to just say it to his face_?’  
Lukas thought to himself.

‘ _Why do I have to say no?_  
 _Maybe I don't want to?_ ’  
He contradicted.

‘ _Yes I do want to say no._  
 _I do not want anything to do with romance shit. No committed relationship, no anything like that._  
 _The last time I was in a committed relationship things did not go well, and I don't want a repeat of that._ ’  
Lukas sighed and put a pillow on his face, then groaned.

‘ _He never said anything about committedness. This is just you jumping to the conclusions you want and then saying no._ ’  
Lukas groaned louder. It really didn't take a lot for him to get attached to someone. It seemed anytime someone was even remotely nice to him he’d cling to them like a lost puppy, no matter how hard he denied liking them. He was good at acting like he didn't care- he had perfected that.

‘ _It was just a kiss, it means nothing. Go to sleep and it will be better in the morning. I'll be over this. I don't even have to talk to him anyways, it's not like we see each other normally. Just calm down and go to bed_.’

He told himself. He had already showered and changed so he stood up, turned off the light, then flopped face forward in bed.

When he woke up in the morning tiredness pulled at his eyes begging him to fall back to sleep. Checking the time, he clicked on his phone and groaned. He picked himself up and went over to the coffee maker.

His mind was foggy and thoughts wouldn't connect together but out of routine he was able to start the coffee machine. He took a seat on the ground and resting his arms and head on the mini-refrigerator the coffee maker was on and waited for the coffee to be ready. Slumber had already taken him back over by the time the machine beeped and he woke with a start. He poured the coffee into the biggest “cup” they had. “Cup” because it's more likely function was as a vase, but they didn't care. It fit the whole pot of coffee and it didn't leak. It was a cup.

It took a moment for it to cool down enough so that he could drink it, but when it did, he made quick work of it. He usually had his coffee black in the morning for a few reasons. One, he wasn't awake enough to do much for it, and two, he wasn't really awake enough to taste it until the end. Within the span of ten minutes he finished the coffee and set the vase in the tub on dishes that needed to be washed.

The bones in his back popped and cracked as he stood up. He turned to face his bed lazily, there were drawers underneath of his bed, like their was in every dorm in the building for clothes, but before he took another step forward memories came back to flood him as he met the eyes of a large pink stuffed rabbit.

He walked briskly to his drawers ignoring the thoughts as much as he could and then changed quickly into his uniform, grabbed his things, and left.

He had shoved all his classes onto two days so that the rest of the week he was free to work long shifts in his job. In his freshman year he had gotten a job as a server in a nice restaurant and had yet to leave it. The pay was good, the people were nice and the customers, well they were customers so not great but that would be the same in most places.

He walked down from his dorm room and had to run to catch his bus in time. It only took a few minutes from there so he sat down quietly and began to flick through his phone. And of course, the first thing he saw was a message from Matthias. With a sigh he slid it open and looked at the contents.

 **Yesterday [10:35 PM]**  
**so theres gonna b a parTY at my pals house tonight, you in?**

[9:46 AM]  
oops

 **[9:46 AM]**  
**Don't worry about it. It was pretty lame. about an hour in the police shut us down on noise complaints.**

[9:48 AM]  
Ah. Glad I wasn't there then.

 **[9:48 AM]**  
**Haha, yeah. a dif pal o mine tho is having a sort of get together tonight. prob just bad hopping but ur welcome to come ;)))**

 **[9:48 AM]**  
**bar***

[9:51 AM]  
I think I'll pass. I have to go now.

Lukas stood as his stop approached. When the bus came to a stop, get got out and he had to walk a few more blocks down to his work. Lukas sighed as his phone buzzed many times in his pocket and after a minute or so of trying to ignore it he took out his phone to end the torrent of spam.

 **[9:51 AM]**  
**Come on dude!**

 **[9:51 AM]**  
**It gonna b nice man !**

 **[9:51 AM]**  
**I still ow ya a drink**

 **[9:52 AM]**  
**u probably no my buddy! U no al?**

 **[9:52 AM]**  
**He blonde and rl america fan**

 **[9:52 AM]**  
**Kindda republican but eeeeeeeeh**

 **[9:52 AM]**  
**He got a brother name Matthew**

 **[9:52 AM]**  
**Matts a tall fucker too**

[9:52 AM]  
Yes I know them. I can't go out tonight. I won't be done working until 8:45 and then I have other responsibilities. I have to go I'm almost to work.

 **[9:53 AM]**  
**U hav a job?**

[9:53 AM]  
Yes.

 **[9:53 AM]**  
**O shit dude. Damn I didn't know**

[9:54 AM]  
Rich kid.

 **[9:54 AM]**  
**¯\\_(ツ)_/¯**

Lukas put his phone in his pocket, cleared his mind and made an effort to keep it clear, then got ready for the day of work. Only a few people came into his section before lunch. One of the men who showed up had brought his computer and was working. That was common place here, so he only bothered to ask if he wanted to order anything every half hour or so.

During the lunch rush a few regulars came in, but nothing out of the ordinary happened.

Work went pretty quickly and then slowed down again after lunch. He had his lunch break and then came back and had a few more tables. People usually tipped pretty well, so that helped. The restaurant, unlike a lot of others, actually paid a decent salary as well, and the tips were piled up from all the workers and split evenly. So it was worth some of the downsides. He served part of the dinner rush but soon enough his shift ended and he was able to get home.

When he arrived to his dorm Tino was there playing headache-inducing music on the speakers. Lukas turned it off and was met with a loud groan from Tino who was hanging half off his bed.

“Grow up, Tino. Buy a pair of headphones.” He said with a sigh.

“Can I borrow yours?”

Lukas didn't respond but went to his desk, sat down, then threw the set of earbuds at him.

“Thanks.”

“Mhm.” He hummed with a sigh. He could still hear the music through the headphones but it was considerably less loud and so ignored it.

He looked at his computer and started some homework, but thoughts flooded in his head to distract him as he digested the prior events.

He was going to be upfront with himself, he wasn't in love, god forbid, but he knew that he was getting more attached than he'd like. He could lie to himself all he liked but he knew the underlying truth as well.

He’d wanted an actual relationship for a while now. He was close to it with Tino but still part of him didn't want the commitment. He didn't want the feeling of being trapped again, but he did want the closeness. That part, the want to be allowed to get attached, to get close, was the part of him that was unsettled by Matthias. Matthias messed with his head too much. First mixing in himself as someone to call for help, then a friend, only for him to kiss him and then ask to go bar hopping. It was too many mixed signals for him to decipher.

He, his whole life, had tried to keep his groups of people separate. His friends did not mix to become lovers, his lovers did not become a friend, they were separate. It was messy if they mixed. He wanted to keep the right level of detachment in his life otherwise things would get messy.

He liked to think of it like a garden sometimes, he kept his marigolds in one flower bed, his roses in another, his lillies in another, and they did not mix. It was too hard too keep track of them if they mixed, and he liked to keep things in order, and to know where they were.

And Matthias.., he had picked one of each and put them together, and he didn't know how he felt about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please love me. and if u think "dang shes desperate" i am. love


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> remember that flower thing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM NOT TECHNICALLY LATE BUT IM SORRY. ITS STILLL FRIDAY

About a week later he had found himself against all reason  _ agreeing _ to go to some club with Matthias and few of his friends. Lukas sat on his bed alone in his dorm. He had no backbone when it came to Matthias, and he knew that would be something he’d have to face later on, but for now, he couldn't do anything. He had already agreed. 

 

He didn't even like clubs. To be honest he really hated them. He hated being touched or grabbed, the music made his head ache, the people there almost didn't seem human anymore as they all had one shared intent of human instinct- and yet he agreed. Lukas stood up and changed quickly into some black jeans, combat boots, a loose white t-shirt and a blue bomber jacket. As he was tying the laces of his boots, Matthias knocked on the door loudly. Lukas jumped at the noise- he was expecting it and yet- it still caught him off guard. The second he opened the door he was met with dreamlike sky blue eyes opened wide and a smile that seemed too purely happy to see someone like him.

 

“Ya ready, Lulu?” Lukas could feel as his heart began to thump harder than before. He walked out past Matthias to try and hide a blush growing on his cheeks. He was _happy_   to see him. He was happy to see _him_. Matthias easily caught up with him.,

 

“Lulu?” Lukas asked gruffly- pleading with his heart to slow down.

 

“Yeah! Lulu, y’know, it just fits ya.” Matthias chirped.

 

Lukas scoffed at him coldly. He was good at being cold. He just needed to keep it up until Matthias left him alone. Cold. The two of them went downstairs in silence and out of the lobby where Matthias lead him to a car packed with half drunk students. The club was- of course, nothing abnormal. Lights were flashing too much, music was playing too loud and people were everywhere crawling from the cracks.

 

A few minutes in the club the group that they had went with broke apart. It was just him, Matthias, and two of Matthias' friends that he didn't know too well. Lukas sat awkwardly at the bar, holding his drink tightly to him as some of the people near him yelled to converse over the deafening music. When the group of he Matthias and the two others began to walk away Lukas put his drink down, not wanting to be left alone, and followed them to the dance floor. One of Matthias’ friends danced while the other and Matthias, himself more threw their limbs excitedly in some rhythm. 

 

He stood for a moment and then decided it would be less awkward if he moved as well. He kept his dance simple and easy. He didn't think he was that great, but then again, no one would really be looking at him. That was the one thing he did like about a crowd is the anonymity it allowed. If he could ever get past his dislike of strange people touching him a club might be enjoyable. But of course- he couldn't look past that and he tried to move away as he felt someone move against him, however when he did, hands grabbed his hips and pulled him back. He stopped, and looked over his shoulder as smoothly as he could and saw a man he didn't recognize. 

 

Lukas let out a 'tut' of disapproval and again, tried to move away- but the hands on his hips and held tight. He didn't like that, he didn't like when people touched him. He tried to casually brush off the hands, but the man didn't get the hint. The last thing Lukas wanted to do was make a scene so he rolled with it as much as he could until the hands started feeling up his body. He tried to walk away but the man turned him around and held him tightly. 

 

“Let go!” He said, fairly loudly but he still wasn't sure the man heard over all the noise. The man didn't let go, to he began to push away obviously but the man just held him tighter so his arms were pressed against his chest. 

 

“Don't start playing hard to get now, I am just starting to like you” the man said with a purr in his ear.

 

“Get off!” His skin was crawling and he was still trying to push away without making a scene. 

 

“Mmm, make me.” Panic began to set in here as the man tightened his grip more. He felt his heart race in fear. He thought he was shaking, but he couldn't even tell between the loud thumps of the music. He felt like he was under water as everything became disjointed and his breathing picked up. 

 

He a recognized a voice yelling over the noise, “Hey! Let go of him fucker!”

 

Matthias walk over. The two of them began talking angrily and when the man's grip was loosened enough to get his arms free he moved on instinct alone before he could process what he was doing. He drew his arm back and then shot it forward into the side of the man’s face as he was arguing with Matthias. 

 

The man let go fully as he fell to the ground, obviously drunk as all hell. Lukas fixed his jacket and looked over to Matthias, who stood shocked. The man got up and yelled something that the music covered. He lunged at him without warning, but Lukas wasn't nearly as drunk as the man so it was easy to move out of the way. Matthias took his hand and began to pull him away. He didn't know where but he let himself be pulled and he felt as if the water around him was slowly being drained. Matthias then pushed open the door in front of him and they walked outside to a partly illuminated back alley.

 

The air was clear and crisp but just as fast as his haze came to be it ended when Matthias squeezed his hand.

 

“Are you listening? Lukas? Are you okay?” Matthias had a look that troubled him. He looked worried and angry all at once and very urgent. 

 

“Huh? Oh. I'm fine.” He said lightly. 

 

“He didn't hurt you?”

 

“No. I'm fine. I'm sorry.”

 

Matthias laughed wearily, “Don’t apologize, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Geez I didn't know you could punch someone like that the guy was on the floor!”

 

“He was drunk, he would have fallen down if a sudden gust of wind came along.” Lukas shrugged. 

 

“Eh, still impressive.” Matthias said, “I take it you don't wanna go back?”

 

Lukas nodded.

 

“You wanna walk then?”

 

“Sure.”

 

The sun was gone and the moon was high up. The streets were lit by flickering lamps and the breeze brought in air as fresh as you could get in the polluted city. Matthias hadn't let go of his hand, but he didn't want to let go either. His hands were cold and Matthias was warm.

 

They ended up walking down to a playground and sitting next to each other on the merry-go-round, still holding hands. Their conversation had drifted to other topics now and as he looked up at the clouds floating by he spoke. 

 

“I don't really know, I just don't like things mixing, I like to know where everything is all the time.”

 

“Sounds a bit constricting.” Matthias commented.

 

“So?” Lukas asked innocently shifting his gaze to Matthias. 

 

Matthias just chuckled and leaned back, “ _Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?_ ”

 

“Well.” Lukas said with a huff and pulled his hand away to put into his pocket. Matthias just laughed more, “Oh come on I'm just teasing you. Don't get all grumpy.”

 

Matthias leaned against his shoulder. He carried the smell of hair gel and alcohol prominently. “Wanna go back to my place?” 

 

Lukas looked over to the man resting on his shoulder, “and what's gonna happen when we get there?”

 

Matthias smiled, his eyes half lidded as he purred, “ _Whatever you want._ ”

 

Lukas giggled and decided to tease him, “What if I wanted to…. hm. I dun know.. build a human out of toothpicks or bake a cake.” This didn't go as planned. Instead of understanding his sarcasm Matthias took him literally and shot up.

 

“WE SHOULD! I FUCKIN’ LOVE CAKE, MAN!!”

 

He didn't really have the heart to say no, so after that, they called an uber and went to a grocery store. Lukas didn't really know the place but Matthias, even in drunkenness, seemed to know the place well. He had also tried to push the cart but Lukas confiscated it after he crashed into a wall for the second time. 

 

“You're paying.” Lukas warned. 

 

Matthias groaned dramatically- “Yes, yes, _I know._ You're cheap. I will pay.”

 

Lukas flicked the back of Matthias head with a huff. “Owww! Ever hear don't bite the hand that's buying shit?”

 

Lukas only hummed and they walked in silence. 

 

“What kinda cake?” Matthias asked bouncing on his feet. Lukas, of course tried to just go with one of the box cake mixes, but Matthias refused going on a spiel about how things had to be made by people and not machines.

 

“I can make Bløtkake by heart so I was thinking that. Do you have flour in your house?”

 

“Oh nice! Yeah I think so.”

 

Matthias began to talk about one subject to another and as soon as they were done at the checkout they were on their way to Matthias’. Honestly he had no idea how he got himself into this mess.

 

The house looked better than he remembered. The shelves were no longer vacant and the rugs were back in place. Tables were cleared and the whole place was covered in scented candles. 

 

**——**

 

The cake didn't end up _exactly_ as planned. They had made the cake itself but never quite got to the frosting. They were waiting for the cake to cool and they had nothing else to do so they talked. Which lead to the bottle of Chambord being opened. It was supposed to be used for the frosting. 

One thing lead to another and now they were watching Pixar’s A bugs Life as they ripped apart the warm cake from the pan. Lukas was lying on the couch using Matthias' lap as a pillow with the pan resting next to him since he could no longer support it as he was too busy laughing hysterically at the Ladybug’s voice- so much so he was bending over in pain as his side cramped painfully. 

 

He finally regained himself enough to sit up and catch his breath before breaking into another fit of giggles. He fell onto Matthias' shoulder, putting his hand over his mouth as he laughed. Lukas looked up to Matthias, mirth still running wild in his veins. Matthias, however looked at him with a weird expression. 

 

“Wha?” Lukas asked with a bit of a slur. 

 

Matthias smiled brightly, “You have the best laugh I've ever heard.”

 

“No I don't.” He said leaning against Matthias’ shoulder picking out a piece of the cake and popping it into his mouth. 

 

“How do you know?” Matthias teased. 

 

Lukas laughed again and snuggled himself closer to Matthias. Matthias wrapped his arm around him and Lukas picked up his wrist lazily, holding it with one hand and moving his fingers with the other. 

 

“I know, _Because_ ” Lukas exaggerated obviously drunk, “you– you're just trying to get into my pants. I know you.”

 

Matthias laugh this time, “Not right now I'm not. Right now I'm trying to tell you how beautiful you are.”

 

Lukas felt a warmth in his chest that expanded and pushed against his rib cage and made his breath short. Butterflies stormed in his stomach and his face fell. 

 

“Really?” Lukas asked as he stopped playing with his hand and instead held it properly, and Matthias held it back. 

 

“Mhm. Ah- god, you're so drunk. I think it might be time for you to get home...” If he looked concerned Lukas didn't notice. He  giggled and let go of Matthias' hand to turn more towards him. He ran his hand up his chest rubbing circles feinting innocence as he did and moved to closer.

 

“Or..” he giggled more then slid himself onto his lap to straddle him, “Or, I could stay here, y’know.”

 

Lukas moved his hips down to grind against him and wrapped his arms around Matthias’ shoulders, running his fingers through his hair. He attached his lips to the side of his neck as he began to lick and bite at the patch of skin. He moved one his hands down to grab onto Matthias' shoulders- since he was a little less than sturdy, and the other to hold the opposite side of his neck. He could Matthias’ hands on his hips, holding him where he was. Lukas smiled as he moved to a different spot- Matthias moved his head with it so Lukas could easily get where he wanted to be. His movements became harder and faster, he could feel Matthias under him- obviously enjoying himself. He felt hands moving under his shirt and up his sides, but then all the sudden they stopped. Then they were pushing him away and he stopped confused.

 

“No. I really think you should go home.” Matthias looked flustered and upset. Upset with him.

 

“Wh- did I do something wrong?” Matthias pushed him off his lap and he sat on the coffee table. 

 

“No. I just think you should go.” He said as he stood up. 

 

Everything warm in him, everything Matthias had caused deflated, he felt empty for less than a second before bone crushing sorrow set in. His eyes filled with tears and he busted out into tears. 

 

“No- no, Lukas, don't,” Matthias sat back down in front of him. “God, Lukas, you're drunk! I don't wanna take advantage of ya, it's nothing because of ya!” He tried to console.

 

“I- I am NOT drunk!” Lukas defended himself.

 

“Yes you are, you drank like, ¾ the bottle of Chambord. Come on, stop crying, let me walk you home.” Lukas didn't feel any better but he nodded anyways.

 

During the walk home Lukas had seemingly forgotten his sadness and he was giggling and tripping over his own feet- flirting relentlessly. When they got back to his room Matthias had taken his key and was about to unlock the door for him but before he could Lukas pushed his lips to his. It wasn't drunken slobber kissing- well it was a little, but it was short and sweet. Lukas wrapped his arms around Matthias holding him closely. Even when the kiss broke apart Lukas kept hold of him as he rested his head tiredly on his shoulder. Matthias unlocked the door with one hand and held Lukas’ back with the other- making sure he wouldn't fall. 

 

The door was opened and Matthias was trying to back Lukas up to move inside, lucky for him though Lukas’ roommate was there. 

 

Tino laughed and started prying Lukas from Matthias. “I didn't know you two knew each other. Ah, he's always like this when he's drunk, he'll hug anything.”

 

“Ah, good to know. Yeah we met a few months ago at my party.” He and Tino knew each other through Matthias’ cousin, Berwald. 

 

“Oh really?” Lukas was now hugging Tino and leaning completely on him and resting his chin on Tino's head. 

 

“Eh, yeah. Is he alright, man?” Matthias has a concerned look on his face as he looked on. 

 

“Oh yeah.  Don't worry, he'd sleep like this if I stood here long enough." Tino laughed, but Matthias only gave a half smile, his eyes still fixed on Lukas, "Seriously- he's usually pretty quick to get over a hangover. You don't have to worry!” Tino tried again.

 

“Yeah.." Matthias said and pulled his gaze away from Lukas, "Alright I'll head out then.” Matthias explained with a quick nod and turned on his heel, headed home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?" is an old nursery rhymeeee
> 
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> 
> comment.


	6. Chapter 6

Lukas woke up in the early morning groggy. He felt for the glass of water on his bedside table, but only managed to knock it over.

 

“Fuckkk.” Lukas groaned as he sat up. Tino of course wasn't there, so he stood up and grabbed his towel to clean up the mess. He spent the rest of the afternoon recovering from the night prior, mostly by watching re-runs of random shows. 

 

Around 10:30 he got a text from Matthias,

 

**[10:34 AM]**

Morning sunshine 

 

_ [10:35 AM] _

its raining

 

He texted back dissatisfied. 

 

**[10:35 AM]**

That's true. How ya feeling?

 

_ [10:35 AM] _

Shitty, wbu?

 

**[10:35 AM]**

Awh, im sorry. What's wrong?

 

Lukas huffed. 

_ [10:36 AM] _

Besides from the migraine and the general idea that life is shitty? I think I slept weird last night, my back hurts like hell.

 

**[10:36 AM]**

Oh I'm sorry. You want a massage ;)

 

Lukas had to physically crash his phone to his forehead in both embarrassment and secondhand embarrassment before he could even consider answering. 

 

_ [10:37 AM] _

That's the oldest trick in the book, Matthias. 

 

**[10:37 AM]**

Haha. I know but I really meant it. I'm pretty good with my hands.

 

**[10:37 AM]**

;)

 

Lukas felt like he should groan at the comment, or be embarrassed but instead he felt a pleasant warmth of butterflies in his stomach. 

 

_ [10:38 AM] _

Maybe.

 

A smile creep onto his face as the odd feeling of giddiness grew. 

 

**[10:38 AM]**

Well, I have class until 10:45 after that I could come over ;)))) )

 

Lukas laughed at this. It wasn't really a normal laugh either. It caught him by surprise and he laughed before he could register what he was doing.

 

_ [10:38 AM] _

Alright. I'll leave the door unlocked  the then...

 

Lukas clicked off his phone and put it down. He could feel the giddiness pounding through him. It wasn't sexual, it wasn't like he was waiting for a lover to show up. It felt almost childlike in how it rushed through him without hesitation and swelled in his chest. 

 

He picked up the clothes quickly from the floor and threw them in the hamper. His side of the room was always relatively clean, but Tino was another story. Lukas pushed Tino’s stuff against the wall so it would look a bit better then unlocked the door and sat down on his bed. He clicked his phone on, 10:43. He leaned back and decided to scroll through media as he waited happily. 

 

**——**

 

Matthias showed up in the next five minutes and leaned his book back off and onto the ground when he came in. 

 

“Hey!” Matthias said happily and sat down on the edge of his bed. 

 

“Hi.” Lukas responded. He really didn't know why he felt as nervous as he did, but he would do his best to hide it. 

 

“Not feeling well, I hear? How’d you sleep last night?” Matthias asked, leaning back. He could easily feel the warmth radiating off his body where he sat. It was odd that his sense of feeling was so acute then. 

 

“Don't know. I woke up normally so in the night it must been.” Lukas felt himself cringe as he realized his mistake. When he had been still learning English he had made similar mistakes a lot, but he had been using English fluently for years now. He covered his face with his hands and said, “I’m sorry- I’m still hungover.” He excused himself with. 

 

He took his hands away slowly dragging his face down with it, and Matthias laughed. 

 

“Nah, I understand. I've been told that when I'm really drunk I mix my Danish and English together, which honestly sounds hilarious.”

 

Lukas laughed quietly and Matthias continued, and moved closer to him.

 

“I see ya kept the rabbit.” Matthias commented lightly, as if it were trivial, but Lukas on the other hand, took it with too much severity. He turned to look at the pink stuffed rabbit sitting on his bed. 

 

He wasn't supposed to be doing this- cold! Cold that's what he was good at! He didn't want a relationship he didn't want Matthias as anything more than friends with benefits at most! His face felt hot as he frantically searched for an excuse.

 

“I-” Lukas looked back to Matthias, a mistake, “What else was I supposed to do with it?!”

 

“Awh- you're blushing! If it really meant so much to ya-”

 

“I. Am.  **_Not_ ** blushing.” Lukas defended. 

 

Matthias smile widened, “I hate to break it to ya, Lulu, but-”

 

Lukas tried to go back to the practiced mask of a cool composure, but no matter what he did it just felt like he was digging himself into a deeper hole of embarrassment.  “ _ I said I'm not!” _ Lukas huffed angrily.

 

“Alright.” Matthias said, though it was obvious by the shit eating grin that he didn't really agree. “Then- if you were----  **_hypothetically_ ** blushing, it would be really cute.”

 

Lukas groaned and covered his face. He was usually better at this. He could easily pretend to blame it on the alcohol he had had last night but he knew that wasn't it. 

 

Matthias laughed shortly as he leaned back.

 

“Well it did promise a massage, if of course that's  _ really _ what you want to do.” Matthias teased. 

 

Lukas rubbed his eyes idly, “You're so embarrassing.”

 

“Believe it or not, you are not the first person to say that.”

 

“Wonder why.” Lukas sat up and looked over to Matthias lazily. Matthias looked back at him, and… well, he wasn't quite sure if he was the one who leaned in or if it was Matthias, but one of them had. Matthias wasn't the  _ best _ at kissing, he was always too eager and excited in a sort of endearing way. Matthias easily took the lead in the kiss, but Lukas didn't mind. Lukas’ heart beat quickly and he could feel, when he ran his hand over Matthias’ chest, his was no different. Lukas had expected Matthias to push things along- quicken his pace- something that was a progression, but he never did. His hands never left where they were, one on his knee and the other on the bed, holding him up. Lukas broke pulled away, and looked at Matthias, he didn't really understand what his goal was. He was confused. It felt weird, almost off to him. 

 

Lukas smiled and covered his mouth as he tried not to laugh. Matthias looked at him questioningly.

 

“Sorry, I just- I'm happy.” Lukas apologized and uncovered his mouth. It felt kind of odd to say because originally he meant it as an excuse for his behavior, but the more the thought of it, it was right. He was happy-- giddy even. Matthias was just- so warm to him. 

 

The two of them just talked for a while aimlessly, Matthias did end up giving the massage he promised. Matthias’ hands weren't soft, they were calloused and so when he moved his fingers to brush along any bare skin it almost tickled. 

 

Overall it was actually nice, Matthias  _ was _ good with his hands. Though, Lukas couldn't get rid of the lingering feeling of oddness. He didn't know what caused it, it just felt weird-- it had been such a long time since someone he liked had touched him in a nonviolent or non sexual situation. It was the same feeling from the night prior when they were walking the streets at night hand in hand. 

 

When Matthias had stopped, Lukas moved over and made an open area on the thin bed for Matthias to lay. He looked confused for a moment, but slid his rain covered jacket off and kicked off his shoes. He laid down close to Lukas, of course since the bed wasn't very big, but it was comfortable. 

 

They were so close. Lukas could easily see the details of Matthias’ face and he was beautiful.

 

Matthias held his hand, and though it was so simple it was so nice- so needed. He never knew he wanted these things. Lukas shifted himself to lay on his side and moved a little closer and so did Matthias. Their lips came together into a soft, if not a little messy, kiss and Lukas felt like the butterflies in his stomach were finally set free to flourish in the warmth he felt. They stayed pressed together in a heap of human for hours, but still it never moved beyond kissing and holding hands. And that was nice. 

 

In all of Lukas' relationships it was about sex. Hands weren't held, kisses weren't soft and never was there something that made him as happy as this. It was refreshing. It seemed possible that a person could like him for something besides for sex and he could enjoy the simplicity of holding hands. He could enjoy being a person in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please


	7. Chapter 7

Matthias had left about an hour ago. Lukas laid on his bed, a mess of emotions. 

 

_ ‘ _ _ Love _ _ is not what this is. This was want and lust, not love.’ _ He told himself. He tried to believe it too but he knew he was lying. He knew his own patterns and he knew he had developed a painful habit of falling for anyone who was decent to him at this point in his life. 

 

Lukas groaned loudly. 

_ He was pathetic! _ What? It took a decent smile and a pair of puppy eyes and he had fallen. He was at the point of ripping his hair out. 

 

‘ _ Matthias will just be the same. You're getting your hopes up just to have them come crash down.’ _

 

_ ‘They all start out nice.’ _

 

_ ‘But- he’s different. Right? Matthias was  _ _ happy _ _ to see  _ _ him! _ _ That meant something- right??’ _

 

Lukas hugged a pillow to his face and yelled. He knew the cycle he was headed on so for  _ once _ he needed to stop it before it began.

 

He picked up his phone with shaking hands. His stomach felt hot and uneasy. He would regret doing what he was doing now but if he didn't he would regret it later. Either way, he had to do it. He hugged the pillow and began to type. 

 

_ [9:04 PM] _

I don't this should go any further, it's not your fault. I'm sorry. 

 

He threw his phone on his bed, picked up his wallet and placed it into his pocket. Tino was at his desk, doing whatever, but that didn't matter. He pulled out one of Tino’s earphones and Tino looked up.

 

“I'm going for a drink, wanna come?” 

 

Tino looked at whatever he was doing as he mulled it over, “I’m busy right now.” He sighed. “Be careful.”

 

Lukas didn't respond but just left.

 

\---

 

Tino continued working again but before he could get much done the incessant buzzing of the phone Lukas had left behind was grating his nerves. Lukas had been gone only ten minutes but whoever was trying to reach him would not give up. Tino looked over to Lukas’ bed and went over to get his phone. His original intention was to turn it off, but curiosity came to bite when read the caller ID. 

 

_ Matthias.  _ As far as Tino knew there was only one Matthias who spelled his name with two t’s and would put a Danish flag next to it so he assumed it was Køhlar. Tino bit his lip as he debated whether or not to breach his friend’s privacy. The call ended and then started again as Matthias tried again to reach him. Tino answered.

 

_ “Lu-” _

 

“Mat?” Tino asked, more so to clarify that he was not Lukas.

 

_ “Tino?? Why are you answering Lukas’ phone?” _

 

Tino looked to the door of the dorm room, “He just left a few minutes ago… he left his phone.”

 

_ “What happened? Is he okay???” _ Matthias sounded desperate if not sad, and this sent Tino for a bit of a loop. Matthias was the happiest person in the world- there must have been something big to cause this from him and that scared him. 

 

“I think so? Why are you so worried?”

 

_ “He just-... texted me something off and I don't understand. And what do you mean ‘I think so,’???????” _

 

Tino paused, “He just was yelling into a pillow then asked if I wanted to get drinks. He seemed pretty upset which is weird.”

 

_ “Why is it weird?” _

 

Tino hummed as he thought back, “He’s been so happy recently. Of course with Lukas that can never be good.”

 

Now it was Matthias’ turn to be taken aback, _ “Why is it not good?”  _ He asked cautiously. 

 

“Usually when he’s suddenly happy it means he’s…” Tino sat down on Lukas’ bed with a huff, “ _ moonstruck _ .”

 

It took Matthias a second to put the sentence together. He curled more over the phone as if that would help him listen better,  _ “Why’s that bad?” _

 

“Well Lukas- actually that's something personal to him. Probably shouldn't say. Why are you calling so much anyways- what did he text you? You're making me think I should go track him down or something.”

 

_ “Mm.”  _ Matthias acknowledged quickly.  _ “He just said something about not wanting to talk anymore…” _ He admitted.

 

“Wait…” Tino began, “How close are you two?”

 

_ “Why’s that important?” _

 

“Just answer!”

 

_ “I mean-” _ Matthias fell back onto his bed dramatically,  _ “It's complicated…” _

 

“Go on.”

 

_ “We aren't…  _ **_dating_ ** _. But it was, kind of flirting I guess?” _

 

Tino’s smiled widely and he gasped, “Matthias! I didn't know-”

 

_ “Yeah yeah.” _

 

Tino’s smile quickly faded, “Ohh. That makes sense actually…”

 

_ “What does?” _

 

“Why Lukas is avoiding you. Remember that stuff I wouldn't tell you? That’s why…” Tino paused and took a deep breath, “I think you guys just aren't meant to be at least now. It's complicated. I don't know what to tell you.”

 

_ “I want to try and talk to him. Do you know what bar he usually goes to?” _ Tino could hear in the background Matthias preparing to leave his house. 

 

“Matthias-”

 

_ “Don't try to talk me out of this.” _

 

Tino sighed. “Yeah. It's the one English pub near the first lecture hall building. I really think he just wants to be alone. I know you're intentions are good but-”

 

_ “Why?” _ Matthias asked and closed the door behind him.

 

“Let's just say-” Tino hesitated, “He’s had a  _ very… .. bad _ string of partners.”

 

Matthias opened the door to his car and got inside. He turned the key and the car started.  _ “I have to go.” _

 

“Wa-” he hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> talk 2 me


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long!!

Matthias cautiously sat down next to Lukas. He didn't look happy to see him. Matthias didn't say anything, so Lukas broke the quiet, and hissed, “Why did you follow me?” 

“I don't understand- was it something I did??” Matthias asked desperately, “I'm sorry if it is- I thought things were going well.”

“They aren't.” Lukas spoke bitterly and took a sip from his drink.

“Why not?”

Lukas looked over to Matthias. His eyes held so much sadness in them that he felt a pang of guilt stroke his heart and looked away. Cold. He got himself into this mess, he needed to get out. 

“Why does it matter? It's over.”

“I want to make this work, Lukas!” He pleaded as his heart bleed, “I just want to know how to make this work-- you were so happy before! I liked seeing you happy.”

Matthias hadn't been in his life long enough to know him well enough to know which words to say to make him break and yet he was saying them. He didn't know Lukas well enough to know which buttons to press to get what he wanted, but he was. Lukas looked down at his drink as he felt the storm of emotions mix together. He felt guilty and sad and everything else but he felt the anger begin to outshine the others. 

“It's not your fault.” He tried, but Matthias didn't accept his answer. 

“If it's not then let me help.”

“You can't.” He spat. 

“You haven't let me try.”

“It's pointless.”

“But you're not pointless!” Matthias said passionately. Lukas was surprised by the change and looked up to him. “Look- if you don't want a relationship I can understand but please- don't just push me out.”

Lukas was confused and this only lead to him becoming more angry, “Why would you want to stay? I'm not giving what you want. Why would you want to stay?” He said with so much venom it dripped from his mouth. 

“I like you a lot, Lukas! If continuing what we're doing is making you upset then I won't try and make you, but I really would like to stay- just be friends.”

Anger took over Lukas fully this time as he spoke so strongly it was on the verge of yelling, “No- I know this trick, Matthias. No one just wants to be friends! It doesn't happen! You're just like all the rest so do me a favor and just leave me alone!”

“All the rest? Who, Lukas?!” Matthias spat back. 

“The rest! Everyone else! It starts nice then goes to hell! Just leave me alone!!” Lukas finished off his drink. 

“Okay so were you just using me then?? Is that what you’re saying? Are you like ‘all the rest’?”

Oh no. Lukas thought. Matthias’ eyes were beginning to well with tears.

“No-” 

“Did you even like me?!”

“Yes! Bu-”

“Then why?! I'm sorry! I don't know what I did but I'm sorry!” He cried. People were beginning to look at them so Lukas paid for his drink and went outside Matthias on his tail. 

“Lukas! Lukas-” Matthias called after him. The sidewalks were lit by flickering street lights that painted the world in a sad orange. Matthias caught up with him.

“You're making this more messy than it has to be!”

“Life is messy, Lukas! You can't expect to keep things so separate, its only gonna hurt you! Life is a mess and if you get scared every time it gets mixed up you are living in hell!” Matthias said exasperated, “Lukas- I don't know what happened to you, I don't know who’s hurt you-”

“Everyone!” He huffed, “My family, friends, partners, acquaintances-- I don't want anyone in my life anymore. Everyone let's you down!” 

Lukas stopped walking and looked at Matthias sadly.

“People hurt people.” Matthias said soberly and shoved his hands inside his coat pockets, “But you're not alone, people hurt people and somebody will always let you down, so why are you hurting yourself too?”

Lukas didn't have a response. He stared at him dumbly, drinking in what he had said. 

“I’m sorry.” Matthias sighed, “I’m hurting ya too now aren't I?” He rubbed his face tiredly erasing the evidence of tears and gave a sad sort of chuckle, “I shouldn't’ve come after ya, ya need time. Just please don't cut me out… I want to do what I can to help.” His voice was soft and tired as he spoke, well worn but not weepy. He was genuine in what he said and you could hear it as he spoke.

“I'll leave ya alone. Get home safely.” Matthias uttered. Lukas didn't say anything until he began to walk away, he wanted to call him back, he wanted to make Matthias happy, but more than that he wanted it for him. He wanted to feel the happiness he did when he was with Matthias, he wanted to be happy. Matthias made him happy, but to call him back would give Matthias the power to break that happiness. He’d be putting it into his hands and hoping he didn’t hurt it.

It was a risk he took too many times that had backfired in his face but he was hopeless.

“Wait.” He called. Matthias turned around and Lukas made his choice. “I’m sorry. You’re right. Life’s messy and I don’t know how to deal with that sometimes.” Lukas sighed and let out an awkward chuckle, “Ah, you’re going to have to get me more drunk if we're gonna start talking about feelings.”

“Drinks?” Matthias asked pointing back to the bar lazily.

“No, we just made a scene in there, it’d be weird to go back in…” Lukas walked back to Matthias’ side slowly. “I was thinking more going back to your place.”

Matthias smiled lightly as he began to walk to his car, Lukas in tow, “Whatever ya want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I did it! Here is the final chapter, everyone is happy and satisfied with the ending, and life is well!

**Author's Note:**

> I need attention please comment


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